Understanding emotional boundaries: Self-care strategies
At the beginning of this week, I found myself grappling with a sense of restlessness, an emotional fatigue that seemed to linger. It wasn't until the weekend that I realized the source of this drain – a relentless deluge of distressing news and videos that touched on global crises like the specter of a third world war, ongoing epidemics, and economic downturns. As a mother of two young children, the weight of what I encountered left me profoundly shaken, prompting a critical question:
How do we strike a balance between staying informed and shielding ourselves from the overwhelming onslaught of negativity?
It's a dilemma many of us face in this age of constant connectivity and information overload.
Honesty compels me to admit that I can't and don't want to offer opinions on recent events. What I observe however is a bewildering mix of concepts, a lack of context, disproportionate arguments, and images of terror. In this period of heightened exposure to unsettling information, I noticed that my time spent on social media increased significantly, and my emotions became disarrayed. My nights were tainted by unsettling nightmares filled with fear, persecution, and anger. The chaos was disorienting. The emotional turbulence has also affected my appetite, physical activity, patience, and productivity. The interplay of emotions, thoughts, and actions is intricate and has a cascading effect, gradually wearing us down.
This avalanche of information has the potential to consume our lives entirely, leaving little room for other thoughts when our minds are saturated. With emotions running high, it becomes crucial to consider how to maintain productivity and put our everyday problems into perspective. Are our seemingly trivial and minor concerns truly problems, when viewed against the backdrop of these global crises?
Can we be productive in the midst of such emotional turbulence and upheaval?
These questions prompt us to reflect on the resilience of the human spirit and the importance of self-care amidst adversity.
We have recently weathered the storm of the pandemic, an unprecedented and unsettling experience that has left us picking up the pieces. It has become increasingly clear that living with fear, conflicts, polarization, and the constant barrage of distressing news is the new reality. Shielding our lives, and those of our children, from the external forces that invade our inner world may no longer be feasible. Therefore, the new normal is learning to coexist with these challenging emotions and, more importantly, mastering the art of not letting them paralyze us. While we will undoubtedly face surprises, difficult days, and complex emotions, we cannot always resort to avoidance, numbing, self-medication, or other vices as coping mechanisms when our emotional resilience is lacking.
I do not aim to provide a one-size-fits-all recipe for a perfectly healthy life. However, my intention is to offer some guidance to help us gain a better understanding of how we can consciously make positive choices and bolster our mindfulness. This way, we can strive to embrace a semblance of normality as we navigate the ongoing challenges in our ever-changing world.
Please be aware that these recommendations are not exclusive to situations where distressing news triggers intense emotions. They are relevant to any context or scenario where you can pinpoint emotional triggers, or "hot buttons," causing your feelings to spiral out of control.
1. Recognize your feelings
Resisting isn’t always the answer. Trying to put a full stop to your thoughts will almost never work; that resistance often contributes to our internal battles and anxiety.
Instead, acknowledge your emotional state and the impact it has on you. If you are feeling emotionally drained and unusually tired, it is a clear sign that you need to set some boundaries. As you delve deeper into your emotions, embrace them, and allow yourself to feel them without judgment. This may involve shedding tears, engaging in conversations, journaling your thoughts and emotions, reaching out to someone for a heartfelt discussion, or seeking professional support when needed. Remember, you don't have to face these emotions alone; seeking connection and support can be a vital aspect of your emotional well-being.
For those of us who may not possess an extensive vocabulary or lack training in identifying our emotions, the "Feelings Wheel" can prove to be a valuable and accessible resource. Personally, I have a physical copy of it at home, allowing me to refer to it regularly and gain a deeper understanding of my emotions.
Want to take it one step further? Recognize and understand what situations, words, or actions prompt specific emotional responses. By noticing your triggers or “hot buttons”, you gain the ability to anticipate, manage, and even diffuse emotional reactions before they escalate, allowing for healthier and more controlled responses in various aspects of life.
2. Prioritize self-care
When you are emotionally drained, it can affect your ability to care for your family effectively or be productive at work. After all, it is akin to putting on your oxygen mask before assisting others on an airplane. Make sure you dedicate time to recharge - perhaps take a relaxing bath, enjoy a book, bake a comfort meal, or exercise. Now, when your family or colleague need your attention, you will be more patient and present because you have nurtured your well-being. Self-care is not a luxury; it's a necessary foundation for effective caregiving.
Coupled to the above, ask yourself: What makes you feel good? What would improve your day? Try incorporating one element of joy into your day to keep your mind in a more positive state. These moments serve as emotional anchors, reinforcing your bond and creating a reservoir of joyful memories that balance the negative news or situation.
Take action — any action. For those of us who tend to get lost in our thoughts, taking even the tiniest step forward can work wonders in quieting the incessant hum of worries and anxieties. Personally, I derive immense satisfaction from tending to my mental load by methodically checking off items from my to-do list. It's in these seemingly minor day-to-day actions that I uncover meaning and significance. Interestingly, staying in the rumination zone often results in procrastination for me. However, once I divert my focus from these repetitive, automated thoughts, I can redirect my energy toward what truly matters, infusing it with focus, love, patience, and creativity. This shift in focus gradually lessens the room available for overthinking negative thoughts, making way for a more mindful and productive approach to life.
Finally, use your body to move your emotions. Your body is not just a vessel; it's a vital pillar that better prepares you to navigate the emotional challenges that may arise, and insures that you are well-equipped to provide the care and support your surrounding needs. Sometimes, something as simple as enjoying comfort food or a walk in nature can provide a soothing and comforting experience during moments of emotional turbulence. These small indulgences can act as a gentle reminder to be kind to yourself, acknowledging that emotional well-being is as much about nourishing the body as it is about nurturing the mind and spirit.
3. Limit exposure and designate "news-free" zones
Picture your day divided into blocks of time. In one of these blocks, you deliberately set aside time to catch up on the news from reputable sources. Outside of this block, you create a "news-free zone" where you avoid any distressing content. For instance, you might steer clear of the news before bedtime to ensure restful sleep. You unplug from social media during designated family time, which allows you to fully engage with your children or family without distractions. At the dinner table, for example, conversations revolve around the day's joys and achievements, not global crises. These "news-free zones" foster a positive atmosphere where your family can connect without the cloud of negativity.
It is time to block, mute, leave groups and not read comments!
You deliberately handpick reliable news sources to access well-rounded and trustworthy information, thereby steering clear of sensationalized and anxiety-inducing stories. This aims to decluttering your mental space, ensuring room for valuable and informative content. Furthermore, you use technology as a tool to establish digital boundaries. By employing website blockers or apps, you restrict access to news websites and social media during designated hours. It is comparable to having a personal assistant reminding you when it's time to disengage from the digital noise and concentrate on other aspects of life.
4. Seek support and positive interactions
Consider opening up to your partner, confiding in a trusted friend, or connecting with your cherished "work wife" as a form of emotional relief. Sharing your concerns and anxieties with someone you trust can provide the profound sense of relief that comes from unburdening a heavy weight from your shoulders.
Additionally, ponder seeking professional support, such as a therapist or counselor. This is a place where you can engage in emotional exercises that strengthen your mental and emotional well-being. Just as one goes to the gym to build physical strength, the support of a mental health professional can assist in building emotional resilience and coping strategies.
Furthermore, don't forget to engage with your children, who may also be grappling with the emotional impact of these external events. Create a safe and open space for them to share their questions, concerns, and emotions, especially if they have access to screens. They, too, have been affected by the influx of distressing news or information overload, and their young minds may be struggling to process it all. Encourage their questions, answer them with empathy, and ask how they are feeling. By offering this support, you ensure they don't navigate their feelings in isolation, fostering a sense of security and emotional well-being.
It's essential to bear in mind that setting limits on your exposure to distressing news or any other stressful situation is far from a sign of ignorance or indifference. Instead, it's a fundamental component of self-care and emotional well-being. By taking proactive steps to protect your mental and emotional health, you're not only benefiting yourself, but also your family and your capacity to make a positive contribution to the world.
Your emotional well-being acts as the linchpin that holds your life together, enabling you to perform your various roles and responsibilities effectively. Achieving the right balance is a deeply personal journey, and it may involve some trial and error to ascertain what strategies work best for you.
Admittedly, there's no guarantee that these measures will be sufficient to maintain your well-being and allow you to fulfill your life's tasks consistently. However, what is certain is that we must continue to take action, no matter how small or uncertain it may seem. In these times, collective effort and individual self-care are essential for not only our resilience but for the betterment of the world as a whole. Do you agree?